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I dunno how much longer I can keep battling this mental disease without help. Three days straight have been nightmare after nightmare. Mostly because that sudden death of my late friend Alex N has caused me to think like "I need to take as much care of this person as possible, because they're here at this moment but they could be gone the next." Alex N... one moment he was here, laughing it up, and he was gone, dead, in like, 90 seconds. Less than that maybe.
I keep getting nightmares of awful things happening to my friends and family. 3 days ago I got maybe half an hour of sleep, and I had nightmares of Alex H talking to me and then getting into an awful accident. Presumably a deadly one, luckily I woke up. Night after that I had nightmares of my parents losing everything and eventually driving away and not coming home.
Last night I had this nightmare that the Brotrinity, or Tim, Troy and Joseph, all got taken into a hostage situation and the criminal decided to shoot all 3 of them. Sadly I got to watch Troy and Tim get whacked. Deb woke me up just before the criminal shot Joseph. I managed to sleep through my alarm.
I know I try to stay strong but it's the little things like this that are like pins that make me leak and become empty. I don't want to go back to sleep. I don't want to know who gets hurt next.
I keep getting nightmares of awful things happening to my friends and family. 3 days ago I got maybe half an hour of sleep, and I had nightmares of Alex H talking to me and then getting into an awful accident. Presumably a deadly one, luckily I woke up. Night after that I had nightmares of my parents losing everything and eventually driving away and not coming home.
Last night I had this nightmare that the Brotrinity, or Tim, Troy and Joseph, all got taken into a hostage situation and the criminal decided to shoot all 3 of them. Sadly I got to watch Troy and Tim get whacked. Deb woke me up just before the criminal shot Joseph. I managed to sleep through my alarm.
I know I try to stay strong but it's the little things like this that are like pins that make me leak and become empty. I don't want to go back to sleep. I don't want to know who gets hurt next.
BEN came back, and I guess I have too...?
So BEN Drowned returned and naturally, I decided I'd give this account a look back over, mostly into its storage and it gave me a blast from the past. A lot of memories I've kind of tucked away and forced myself to forget. I feel bad because there are comments from people I don't recognise anymore. I certainly don't remember how to navigate this website anymore. It's changed drastically. I'm really tempted to start posting stuff I've drawn for the new arc on here, but I know that everyone I knew then is either gone or I don't remember them anymore. Maybe if they are still here, I may be able to jog my memory, but. Between 2012 and now, so many things have happened that I can't squeeze into a journal that has gone way outside of the scope of a therapist and escalated outside of the help of a psychologist and is now in need of the help of a specialist. Sadly, these events have kind of forced me to lose a lot of my memory; not just of bad things but of important positive milestones too.
Devious Journal Entry
All my art on here is the trash i don't like showing off
lmao
If I flood your inbox with faves
I am very sorry
But your art is just amazing.
Please slap me if I forgot to watch you tho
Devious Journal Entry
I hope you're ready.
© 2014 - 2024 TwitchyHooligan
Comments18
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If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I know that therapists can be a bit intimidating at first, but I think that you really should seek some help. If not with a therapist, then at least find someone you know you can trust and talk to them. You shouldn't be bearing all of this by yourself.